Confessions Of A Hermit

I am without a doubt, a full-fledged hermit. When I tell people i am a happy hermit, nobody seems to believe me. Nobody seems to be able to associate solitude with happiness. Even worse, nobody can accept that solitude spawns inexplicable happiness. Instead of wasting precious alone-time, I just take the shortcut and announce to them that I am extremely antisocial. Ain't that clever?

Of course I enjoy the company of my loved ones and I'm sure you guys know who you are. But when it comes to acquaintances, strangers and crowds, I suck so bad it is almost unforgivable. I have lost count the number of times these 3 categories of people turned me into a pulp of wreck.

First, i get the uncomfortable shifty eyes, then I get the increasing need to vomit which will eventually lead to the sudden attack of lethargy. Not just any kind of lethargy but the kind that makes you just want to either curl up in a ball and disappear right away or the less embarrassing way, go straight home.   

I have tried explaining this phenomenon to a couple of close friends and family. I think they do believe me and they accept me for the hermit that i am, which is also why they continue to remain my loved ones. I don't see the need to explain too much to the rest of the world. They probably think I'm mad, which is fine by me. When The Mad Hatter asked Alice if he has gone mad, she replied, "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."

There you go. I told you there is such a thing as a happy hermit.

Patience, My Dear, Is A Priceless Virtue

I'm sure i have made myself crystal clear that i was not looking forward to coming to Taipei. Yesterday was the start of the hell-like torture stint and i can't remember how many times i reminded myself to rise above it all. Let me go through the day with you......

The male colleague approached me at work and told me in very boastful mannerism that i should we would be going to the airport in his car and that his friend would send us. But then in a short span of 1 hour, he changed his mind 3 times as to how we were gonna get to the airport. I shall not waste time on what the changes were but what he really wanted was to not spend money on cab fare because our company refused to reimburse the transportation fare. To my horror, he was the pathetic owner of a Suzuki Swift. No offence to Suzuki owners but this Bragger of an Idiot has been telling everyone that he drives a Scirocco. Oh, now i remember.......the only reason why he had the bragging rights to a Golf GTI, Honda S2000 and a Subaru Impreza STI was because he had a then-wife to pay for his hobbies. I am sure she made the right choice to end the marriage.

As I sat in the backseat, still reeling in disgust, they proceed to roll down the windows to smoke. All he could say was, "Bear with it, it will be over in no time." Thanks, i smell like an ashtray now. I must admit it was the worst ride to the airport ever. Even when i had to send loved ones off, it didn't suck as bad. I had the liberty of watching two grown men puff their faces off while the ashes flew into my face despite my superb dodging abilities. And then i saw something that made my tummy churn. My colleague was scratching non-stop.

Look, i know what it's like to be covered in eczema. Either you apply your Elomet, Dermacort or whatever you deem fit OR you figure out your allergens and then avoid them like the plague. But no, he chose to scratch like a flea/tick infested mongrel and scattered his scales everywhere. Suddenly, a shiver ran down my spine.......maybe those weren't ashes i was dodging. Shit.    

While waiting for the others to arrive, he kept showing me pictures of two of his Taiwanese girlfriends. I was polite enough to smile and nod but honestly, i really don't care. Stop telling me they're young, pretty and Taiwanese. There must be something very wrong with them to even want to be associated with you. He kept calling them and making irritating sucky noises and calling them hair-raising nicknames that would make a dead man barf. I bet he thought i would perceive him as a charming player. I'm sorry but my left toe is way more attractive than you will ever be in a thousand years.

Anyway, he continued to irk me all day with his refusal to allow women/children/elderly to enter/exit doors first by pushing his way through. Even my dog has better manners. Everytime we had to walk a distance, he would complain. When it comes to paying, he never took his wallet out. All he did was mumble, "Pay you back later." Of course, i still do not know how his wallet looks like. Free drink and free taxi ride for you, The Magnificent Freeloader.

When we finally got to the hotel, we asked for a seperate room. We were only given a room to share and we had agreed to split the cost of the second room. I was so exhausted by then that i told him i was gonna take the allocated room and he had to go settle his own room. Unfortunately, the hotel was fully occupied and there was no way we were gonna sleep on the same bed. Then he said a cheapo thing that made my blood boil, "Since we're splitting the cost of the extra room and it's full here, i can go stay at The Hyatt or Ritz Carlton right?" I glared at him with the remaining energy i had and started ranting like a crazy bitch that i didn't want to see him in my room and that i didn't care where he was gonna sleep. The event organiser was kind enough to detect my displeasure and told me to check into my room to rest while he helped my colleague with the accommodation.

I was right. He would never want to fork out any money. He decided to bunk in with the event organiser. I wonder if the event organiser offered or he shamelessly asked for the accommodation. Seriously, i don't give a fuck. 

Running on Empty

I think this is what being stranded on an island with no food source feels like. My body is weak from the lack of solid food and my brain feels like cotton floss. I feel my whole entity disintegrating. I need food. I want food. But i can't eat......

The bone graft site feels unusually sore today. There wasn't this much discomfort in the last 2 days. Keeping my fingers crossed, i pray infection is not the culprit. The more i try to pry my mouth open to eat, the more it feels like i'm dislodging the sutures that are holding the graft site together. I can almost imagine the bone graft material spilling out as i desperately try to nurse my hunger. TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT, THAT IS THE QUESTION.

Hunger is driving me into pathetic delirium. I am grouchy, whiny and i can't think straight. I thought if i diverted my attention to blogging, i would be able to ignore the hunger pangs. This is failing miserably. I have to stop now. I think i am going to pass out.

Preposterous!

I'd like to update whoever is bored enough to read my blog that i am going to Taipei for a work trip. No doubt i do not have to fork out a single cent and i get to gain invaluable experience but the horror of the entire idea is just......appalling! Why? Ok, let me tell you why.

1) I am not booked on a direct flight. I am booked on CX (ok, fair enough) to Hongkong and transit to an aircraft (Dragonair? WTF?) which already feels like a dubious mode of transport via a mystical creature.


2) I am expected to go to work on the date of departure despite the the flight time of 1625hr. So i have to heave my luggage to work and look like an idiot when i show up for work in the morning.

3) I am made to share a room with a guy. Yes, a guy. A man, a fully grown man and i am absolutely not comfortable with that! Not that i would be any more comfy with a girl/woman/lady/auntie/grandma but hell no, i am impossibly anal when it comes to personal space. I know, i am a selfish, anti-social hermit but i can't help it. But thank my lucky stars, the Man has a Taiwanese girlfriend who of course would rather have him back at her place for disgusting hot action, leaving me happy as a clam in solitary bliss.

4) For the 4 days that i have to be there, i would only need to attend 2 days of seminar. Each seminar lasts only 2.5hrs. I bet you with all my might that everything will be conducted in Mandarin. Shit, now how am i supposed to know how words like "acid, alkali, pH level, cool/warm tones and depth, cortex, cuticles, keratin, collagen, neutralize, sulfates, silicone" sound like in Mandarin??? I am rather positive they have their own words for many technical terms without sounding like they blatantly translated them from English. I foresee myself switching off after 15 minutes of both sessions. God give me strength to be smart enough to decipher through instinct.

5) Left with way too many hours to idle away for 2 days, i am pretty sure the event organizer would plan ice-breaking meals or outings to let us mingle on an international level. Hell no, please, no. I don't play well with others. I think i already have quite a reputation in my industry that i do not socialize. I just wanna head back to my room for cable tv and room service. Even if i were to explore/shop/eat out, i'd rather do it all by myself. Call it social phobia if you want because i have concluded that anti-social is an understatement. The event organizer must really, really hate me.

6) Lastly, i was wondering why i was the CHOSEN ONE to attend this seminar. I thought the other possible candidates might have had personal commitments planned out and were unable to attend. But no........the company management said, "Oh, your overall performance for 2010 was so impressive that without a doubt, you totally deserve this trip." Shoot me lah. Did i just dig my own grave by giving my best at work?
Isn't it ironic? I give my all and now i am the whipping boy/girl.

Damn. If you all understand hokkien, the apt idiom would be: Gia Lan Kah Tao. Go figure.

I would think steering clear of all things political at work would be the smartest move. But no. Why are you not on your team's side? Why are you minding your own business? Are you staying out of this to please your enemies? Why are you so selfish?

OMG. The possibilities of interrogation are countless and way out of point. Why do i even care what you think when insecurities and pettiness get the better of you? I just wanna do my thing and go home to my amazing family. Work politics are so unnecessary for the productivity of work. Work politics are the babies of seething JEALOUSY and raging HATRED. Why is nobody listening to John Lennon at all?

I wish i could wash it all away with a swig of a beer. Or a can. Or maybe 2 cans, since we're at it. Do not mistake this action as a coward's way of escapism. After all the shit that i put up with of late, i totally deserve as many cans as i demand! A little alcohol puts me at ease. It takes much effort to refrain from making an innocent remark or speaking my mind, which may in turn spark WW3. All those clenched jaws and fists and walking away from fights taunted below the belt........ Come on, tell me i deserve the beer.

So why am i staying put in this oh-so-unhealthy environment? I really love doing what i do. I also appreciate the knowledge i acquire from the interaction i have with the people i service. And lastly, THE MONEY.  But when push comes to shove, one is not left with that many choices and reserve energy. I think it might be a wise idea to start thinking about a new environment. I feel the coward creeping out of me already.

Whining ain't good. I should just shut up and fight my way out of the situation, Spartan-style. I wonder what happened to my Spartan spirit and courage? I remember the days when no lashing nor bashing could bring me down........... maybe, just maybe, it's time to don my full metal gear and prepare for glory.